Nova Scotia Part Two
I wasn't planning to go to NS to hang out with Gram until Monday or Tuesday, but both the princess and I were getting a little stir crazy so we left last Sunday. It was so good just to be with my grandmother and not have anything going on, nowhere to be unless we wanted to. She is such an easy person to be with. Quite relaxing. For the most part.
Toward the end of my visit, I found myself feeling more and more uneasy. I think a few smaller factors contributed to the mood swing (humidity, full moon, time of the month, etc.) but at the centre of it was a gnawing grief. It should not have come as a surprise. This was my first visit to Truro since the funeral (see January posts), so of course it was an occasion to encounter the loss all over again. It was so hard to drive down Carter's street, right past her apartment building, and know that she wasn't there to visit. There would be no chinese take-out, ball games, and crazy eights. Ugghh. It feels like I'm never going to get through to a place where the thought of her doesn't wreck me inside. I am so dreading Christmas.
So that was NS the sequel. Good times with Gram, hard missing Carter. No big plans this week, but as soon as August hits...Nova Scotia Part Three...stay tuned.
Nova Scotia Part One
I'm just back from a few days in Nova Scotia. Went with a good friend to visit with her parents. On the surface, we scrapbooked, shopped, shared recipes, and had a great time. On another level, I'm told I served well as a buffer for a sometimes strained family relationship. It had potential to be awkward, but it actually went quite well. Oddly enough, I found it a privilege to be invited into the dysfunctional realm of a friend's life. I enjoy being trusted with vulnerability. Am I a sadist? I don't think so. I just really enjoy getting to know someone on a level where things don't have to be polite and perfect but the relationship is a safe haven and authenticity prevails. Kinda sappy, I know.
So that was this week's road trip. Next week I've got the princess of the household (see previous post) to myself and I think we'll do another girls getaway to NS and visit Gram. That will be a good time.
The Princess and one of her subjects
Mother Mare
Mother Mare was in the area recently for my cousin's wedding. I love it when you're hanging out with an old friend and it's like no time has passed at all. Good times. :)
two-faced?
Okay...I don't know if 5 months can be considered a hiatus, but I'm hoping to return to blogging with a vengeance. Apologies to the one person who possibly missed my posts.
So here's my thought tonite...if a person adjusts their mindset and/or behaviour according to the company they are keeping, is that always two-faced? Or is it possibly just being sensitive to what different people consider to be appropriate? Two nights ago I watched a movie with a friend and quite enjoyed it. Swearing in movies doesn't generally bother me much, and neither does it ruffle the feathers of this particular friend. Fast forward to this evening. Hanging out with other friends (who happen to be much more sensitive to swearing), we decide to rent a movie and we end up with the same one because they were interested in it, it was available, and I didn't mind seeing it again. I saw the movie with very different eyes tonite. Every bit of language seemed to resonate in the room. By the end of the movie I almost felt the need to apologize...for having seen it and still recommending it, let alone enjoying it in the first place (gasp!). Had I done a quick mental replay of the movie before renting it the second time, I might have said, "Actually, there's a lot of language and other questionable stuff..." and moved on to another selection, even though I did enjoy it and would watch it again with less sensitive company. Is that two-faced?
A small example, but it's an issue I think about fairly often. While I am ultra-conservative on some things, on others I can be quite laid-back. So I act laid-back with those who think similarly, but when I'm around those who are more sensitive, I adjust. It's not an attempt to deceive or anything like that. But I don't want to be fake at all either.
It seems to be a matter of being real with myself, being real with others, and all the while trying not to offend. Is there a black and white answer or is it a matter of balance on a per situation basis?
